This remarkably stupid woman who my wife has made the mistake of befriending out of pity is flapping her gums on the phone again during our relaxation vacation time to do the post-mortem on her latest foray into dumber than shit. This imbecile got into a fist fight with her ex-husband's newest gal pal at one of their son's birthday party. I feel like snatching the phone from my wife's hand and yelling into it, "All your problems would vanish in 6 months if you stopped drinking, you moron. Stop wasting everyone's time."
My wife is continuing to reason with her when it's abundantly obvious that only blunt force trauma will get her to see the point. Some people only understand that, if anything. Such as the mouthy 20-something snowboarder yesterday who stalked me, boarding within a yard of everywhere I went on the mountain, demanding I apologize for calling her a cunt back at the lift line. I told her that there would be no such apology forthcoming due to the fact that she was, indeed, a cunt.
And a stupid one at that. It was getting to be quite a spectacle with even a college mascot, in a wolf's head, on skis, stopping to look at the commotion. After a mile of this harrassment, and finding a quiet cul-de-sac in the woods, I popped her in the mouth 3 times. She looked peaceful, softly moaning on her back in the woods.
"If only they made ski helmets with rearviews," I thought, as I skiied away from any potential witnesses and wacky mascots.