The loser in me decides to spend some minutes in front of the 2006 NFL Draft between innings of the Braves flailing futilely at the Mets. Michael Irvin is stoned out of his gourd. He's laughing, uncontrollably at times, at absolutely nothing. The others on the panel go pale and try to ignore him, but it's difficult when he's falling out and back-slapping his nearest colleagues. They all have that, "What is that negro smoking?" look on their faces.
The only one who seems to be amused by Irvin's euphoria is Mel Kiper, Jr. For one, Mel is seated a couple of analysts down from Irvin, using Chris Mortensen as his Irvin prophylactic, and, two, the behavior masks another year of Mel inaccurately projecting the draft. With people like Michael Irvin to distract, one can make quite a living at the otherwise useless art of projecting pro sports drafts. He smirks a knowing smirk having seen it all hundreds of times going to the scary high school around the corner from me in 1970s Baltimore. His parents must not have had the smarts like mine to get him out of that school district before it was too late. Caring about football so passionately was probably a life-saving move on the young Kiper's part. I'll bet the bussed ones called him "Kiker" a lot at Northwestern High.
The scroll at the bottom catches me up on the Top 10 No. 1 picks of the draft. Can anyone tell me the origin of the name D'Brickashaw? Another grand collusion of cultural, phonetic, and grammatical disconnects rampant amongst the fatherless segment of our society. Now I'm laughing like Michael Irvin, and I apologize for accusing him of marijuana use...although I'm probably right.
Tomorrow is Latino Lent around our beleaguered nation, in which they are giving up everything, except spitting in our faces, for an entire day! What a sacrifice. In all probability, the people who claim to be purchasing nothing will be stealing it instead.
Wonder what the outcry would be tomorrow if a retailer decided to help out a little with a "No Mexicans Allowed" sign in their store window. What if Walmart announced that they were checking people for ID before allowing them to shop on May 1st? Do you think they would be seen as an amigo to the cause? No, I think it's best if all retailers realized that people in this country illegally, reserve the right to tell legal businesses how they must treat their worst customers.