We will cut the show back on, as Kelly "Race Card" Brown would say, on Tuesday. My deepest apologies for the lack of show on Thursday, especially after that spectacular American Idol finish. Hasselhoff crying! Clay Aiken as Shirley McClaine!
As I boldy stated to a shocked public on Wednesday morning, that affable sum of parts, Sir Taylor Hicks, walked away with the honor of being controlled by creepy British recording moguls until he's close to 40. Other highlights included Mr.Al Jarreau, winner of Dentist Office Idol, Season 3, scatting it out with Paris Bennett on "We're in This Love Together." Beside the uncomfortable feeling from watching a 70-year old man and 17-year old girl making a love pact, this otherwise cheerful and bouncy number has always upset me due to it's completely erroneous couplet:
...and like cherries on the vine it gets sweeter all the time....
Cherries don't grow on vines.
Time and vine don't rhyme.
Cherries grow on stems.
...and like cherries on the stem you're quite a little gem.
At least I'm trying to bring sense to it all.
Tomorrow and Friday bring memorial to the Wachs Clan on the weekend set aside expressly for such, and we travel to Upstate New York for the funeral of my sister in-law in-law. Her name was Carol, and she was very sweet and was cut off early by smoking.
The funeral is on my birthday. At 45, birthdays are now becoming days to sleep in and keep the shades closed and ride it out like a top TV meteorologist after some career-extending cosmetic surgery. But being a pallbearer on my day of arrival adds a new twist for which there is no proper etiquette. How does one balance the narcissistic tendencies of a birthday with the humility before god that a funeral brings?
To make matters tougher, SNL ran a skit last weekend, with Horatio Sanz, the Latin Chris Farley, dressed as a huge, boorish woman named Carol. The Skit Carol was a horny, voracious beast of a woman whose signature line, repeated over and over was, "I'M CAAAAAAAAAAAAROLLLLLLL." to the delight of the audience and investors of the next Lorne Michaels direct-to-DVD comedy, "It's Carol!" Well, it's not such a funny skit now, in my opinion, and I will try like heck not to think about it as I'm carrying the casket.
But the rest of y'all have a nice family time this weekend, and I'll be checking back before it's done.