Ratings aren't meaningless, but they don't really measure a man in full. The most important measure is how much pull a fellow has around town. Can he influence other area movers and shakers to spend some political capital in order to curry favor with him? Can he get front row tickets to the upcoming American Idol Tour?
If any influential people are reading this and would really like to make a middle-aged per..son happy on his 45th birthday, then make this a reality. I just want to stare at my future ex-wife, McPhee, for 90 minutes, and as close as possible without causing anyone discomfort or legal action. Hey, I proved restraint this year by not hanging all over Francouer despite owning an all access Braves pass, although that will be hard to do in the future after tonight's walk-off grand salami in the bottom of 9 to win it for the Braves.
Backstage meet and greet passes would be fantastic, too, and perfectly safe since my family would be with me. They could run off with Daughtry for all I care. They would be better off with a man like him and his bright future in Fuel. Besides, I let my wife go see Lenny Kravitz last year, a man she has vowed to sleep with if given the opportunity. Woman has Jewish Jungle Fever. Jewgle Fever.
I can't imagine that this is asking too much. Actually, I think other egomaniacs in my profession are reading this and thinking, "He's so damn modest. I'd ask for a new plane I've had my eye own so I can fly it to my house in Naples where I own a house and often fly my planes to it."
Christ on crutches, I spend almost every waking moment of my week wracking my brain to entertain you people with my simple brand of straight shooting thinking man's populism, and here I am at midnight on a Saturday doing it again. I've allowed you to watch me eat my lunch, risked my career in tweaking the nose of the FCC. I took the blows and did it my way.
Do I have to get some cancer and apply to the Make-A-Wish Foundation? I'd rather not.
I don't care what town the tickets are for, although I prefer just 8 miles from my home at Gwinnett Arena on August 3rd. I need 3. Thanks. Oh, and a handicapped sticker to park close if that's possible. Thanks. But the tickets and the backstage will do just fine. Thanks.
No, no. Wrong McPhee, luv.