I'm going to bed. The Falcons are laying down, 3-17, in the Super Bowl of Welfare under the roar of a largely well-fed guilty white crowd at the SuperShelter in the leper colony of New Orleans. From what I've seen, the Falcons ground game has too much guilt, and it's secondary is not matching up well in their "Empathy Two" defense.
It's been declared a holiday in NO from what I understand, and a richly deserved break from not going to work or school at that, and it would be churlish of Falcons to want to win. Mike Vick cares about black people.
At least a Saints victory will end the whining and finger pointing, rebuild all the houses and schools and community centers, drop the murder rate to zero, make Ray Nagin into a good leader, and everyone's income go above the national average. That guy stealing Heinekens in the flooding? No more. Gone. Stereotype.
Great to see U2 and Green Day get together to revive the rich tradition of Irish punk rock that flowed through New Orleans for decades right up until the levee broke. Makes me want to run right out to Popeye's and pick up a bucket of corned beef and cabbage. That's a city I want to be in. One where Bono is helping. And I want to buy as much land as I can on any road named McKinney.
George H.W. Bush was there on the field for the coin toss. He's the Bush that conditionally cares about black people. I'd have selected Hamid Karzai to represent on this splendid day in America's most Middle Eastern city, but this Bush has put forth some honest effort into the resurgence of the Infertile Crescent. It was his idea that New Orleans should be renamed Newer Orleans for doing such a great job of rebuilding their self-esteem. Sure, neighboring Mississippi got hammered, and through years of hard work and humility has a shot of coming back, but only a top notch state like Louisiana can leave themselves with no choice but to party their way to success with an NFL game against last year's top 8-8 team. That's the true.
The coin toss is his reward for breaking his promise to not raise taxes, and not raising a stink during the Katrina Sympathy tour with Bill Clinton over having to sleep on the cot while Clinton shit on a hooker's chest on the king bed. He looks relieved to still be ambulatory.
After the coin toss he declares by executive order that Reggie Bush is his son and promises him the keys to the guest cottage in Kennebunkport and a 1999 Buick Park Avenue for his very own...if he rushes for 100 yards. I'm thinking all Reggie Bush has to do is score a TD and he'll get the GOP nod over Jeb and Karl Rove's fervent objections in '08.
Suzy Kolber interviewing Archie Manning about urban renewal projects. Manning, of course, led the Saints to several losing seasons as a QB and sent his sons to Mississippi, (the quiet Katrina victims), Tennessee, Indy, and NY, and therefore, well-qualified to lead New Orleans out of it's decay. Archie's plan? Get Viagra from Eli and create another great QB for the Saints with one of Bill Clinton's sloppy seconds. I think an earlier Archie assessed it better. "Awww geez, Edith, why can't Jefferson pay for it himself?"
Welfare agitator Spike Lee asserts to the nation that "this is all they got. Four hours then back to the FEMA trailer." And the director dutifully orders up a shot of one of the few black children in the crowd leased for the evening by ESPN to coordinate with the beautifully written script that Tony Kornhole is praising in the booth with the other ESPN sports fags.
"You couldn't write a better script," he says for the 3rd time. Of course, if this were an actual movie, it would be written off as another dumb, cliched sports film. But at least we know there is a script, point shaving scandal fans, and everyone is dutifully following. It's just not enough that the Clintonistas have broken Shaun Alexander's foot and messed up my Conspiracy Football Team. Stock up on tinfoil, it's gonna be a long season.