More insults and injuries. My final Clear Channel paycheck was found on my doorstep Friday, soaking wet, and short by a substantial amount. A new one will be issued, but not until the due dates for my bills have passed. Those folks find new ways to wrong people daily. It's almost their core business.
After sifting through 600 anguished emails from listeners and sponsors, I needed a break, and thank the lord who runs the karmic machine that Jeff Carlisi is around. I went to his roc 'n roule fantasy camp this weekend in Doraville to forget my troubles for a few days. My band was named "The Byrdmen of Alcohol," in tribute to our founder, lead guitarist, and arranger, Ricky Byrd, best known for the classic guitar riffs in "I Love Rock and Roll" when he was performing with Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. His advice to the over the hill dreamers this weekend: If you're a recovering addict, don't write songs about it. No one wants to hear that shit.
We played a funky, groove-laden set of 60s covers. "Hang on Sloopy," "Slow Down," "Mustang Sally," and, in honor of my pending criminal charge, "Folsom Prison Blues." We kicked ass. Even my favorite drum god, Liberty Devitto, said I didn't suck this time. I hope to have the DVD of the show copied and posted in a few weeks.
Back to Reality Camp on a Monday so sunny and warm, it's certain that my reissued paycheck won't arrive today. Preparations are beginning for court against the collective legal wisdom of Yogi and Panda, Inc., so that I can right the many wrongs done to me and get on with my career as one of the top radio hosts in the USM.
Let's dig into the anguished email bucket and provide another SASAFAQ (Short and Sweet Answers to Frequently Asked Questions):
Were you at Sweet Tomatoes last Thursday?
No. I will find the lookalike and sue him.
Why isn't "Yogi" getting sued by Hannah-Barbera?
Since I'm told he's the catcher, he gets his name from a different Yogi.
Also, Hanna and Barbera are dead.
I just got back in town. What happened?
Where are you?
I'm at home. Later, I'll be at an attorney's office or at Subway, eating fresh.
Sirius, XM, or radio?
Whomever pays best.
Do you regret your actions?
No. You should ask the predators in this case, but they don't speak English well.