Since September, when I bought two Tickle Me Elmos to cash in on Ebay holiday mania, I've been looking for headlines that told of violence in retail outlets as a bellwether of the Christmas black market. Good news is there were about 5 reports this weekend.
Some mental plegic in Milwaukee got his face smashed into a pole as a horde of toy scalpers rushed the doors of a local Target.
In Tyson's Corner, VA, police pepper-sprayed Circuit City customers who got unruly. Not to criticize the cops, but I think it's more appropriate to taser unruly Circuit Citizens.
Then in Kentucky, a rapist was caught in line at a Target there. Idiot. Everyone knows Xbox has all the good rape games.
The bad news in all this is, for me, that none of these incidents were incited by Elmo. It's all the PS3 idiots. I missed the market. What a horrible year I'm having. As of this writing, PS3s are averaging $1150 on Ebay, and TMX is topping out at around $80. My profit margin on TMX, if a gullible wind blows my way, is going to be about 1%. PS3, had I pitched a tent, would have yielded 110%. Niiiiice. At least I can say I gave 110%....up.
I'll wait another week to put up my Tickle Me Elmo auctions. That'll give me time to go out and start a fight at a Walgreen's next Friday in the name of Elmo. Start generating some profit-making headlines. I miss my new friends at the jail.
From what I can gather no one actually plays with the PS3. They just use them for this nationwide ponzi scheme until someone is left holding the bag on December 25th, and that poor schmuck really has no choice but to use the thing. Doesn't matter how many rapists they catch in line, someone always gets it in the end.
Another skill I wish I had. I could make a lot of money or meet wealthy chicks if I could do this.