What's remarkable about the past week away from the scene is that people still give a damn what Kramer thinks. It's even more remarkable than the fact that anyone gave a damn what Kramer thinks to begin with.
Let's repeat for the remaining people who can't put this together. Blacks will be outraged everytime you say the dreaded "N-word." They are obligated to do so. This will not change for another 10 generations. Now throw that heckler in jail, and let's be thankful that Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss are still with us.
I've missed y'all during the holiday week but, it's been a really fun week. I've gained back 5 pounds from exercising solely on a Nintendo Wii. Got stung by a bee while sleeping at my hot sister's house. Sued my hot sister for getting me stung by a bee while sleeping. Sued everyone who ever got on my nerves. Went to my nephew's school for show and tell as the uncle who went to jail.
Went out to dinner, just me alone with my parents, the way it was in the good ole days of 1961/1962, before my brother, Dr. Mike, came along and started siphoning all the attention away and ruined my life. But Bliss has been the name of the past two nights. Two nights of alone time with the folks. Just like it used to be...minus the booze, veal chops, and bickering. I'm thinking of moving in again. It'll be great now that my mom has retired from her stair-climbing career.
The only real disappointment was the cancellation of OJ's confession. I think it's because most people understand that he got away with two brutal murders, and aren't in the mood to rehash it absent some legal mechanism with which to vent their rage. Constitutional protections against double jeopardy prosecutions were never meant to favor serial taunters who flaunt their victories over morality with impunity. Ironic that the NFL, which routinely gives 10-15 yard sentences for such taunting behavior, gives OJ his Goldman-free income every month.
My laptop won't connect to the screwy encrypted network my dad has set up in his home because, of course, he must not allow unauthorized viewing or leaking of the very sensitive recipe searches he conducts on foodtv.com from his basement outpost.
"Dad, can I reset your router?"
"No," he says, but in a tone that suggests he thought I said, "Dad, can I Roto-Rooter your anus?"
"But I need to use my laptop."
"No," he says, but in a tone that suggests he thought I said, "Dad, can I beat off on your face?"
So here I am, writing to you, my adoring fans and spite-filled jealous enemies, after cleaning up from a nice adult website session at my mom's desk. It's wrong, but I did make an effort to swerve.
I've had two meaningful audition/interviews at radio places this past week in between givings of thanks, and my timesheet is starting to fill up for this week as well. I will not say where and with whom until I contractually consummate with one of these fine suitors. To do otherwise always results in confusion, so just recognize for now that your helpful Hebe is doing OK, and getting better on the fronts.
I'm going to keep this short so I can go finish unclogging my parents' toilet and taking the wet towels down the basement while they're sleeping because, even though I'm 45 and own a house myself, I'm not sure they will resist giving the hoary old "how to fold the toilet paper properly" lecture and I don't want to hear it because it wasn't the toilet paper, but the extraordinary amount of calories that a caring, doting parent will dangle to their offspring during a holiday visit. They also have some pretty weak toilets if you ask me.
It's back in the ATL Monday. I will only be available for free/discount golf on Friday this week. The week of 12/3 has more avails. When I get back home I will resume the uploading of more great segments in The Regular Guys Podcast. I am also planning a Watch Wachs Eat Club meeting before year's end. This one will include shirts. Also, a new YouTube video from Wachs Productions and Peteetong! Films on the way.
While I'm still in thanksgiving mode, I'd like not to forget and thank everyone who has donated money to the Regular Guys Legal Fund. Special thanks to the people who donated over $50 each. I know who you are and if you email me back with your address and shirt size, you can get a free shirt from the Regular Guys Store. And that goes for anyone who does that in the future. Boy, I love talking to people from the future! The button to donate is at or near the top of the left column.