While I was getting a little minor neck surgery today--boob job is next week--I engaged in a scientific investigation with partial funding by Kaiser Permanente. Sometimes I'll catch Rosie O' Donnell on TV and think to myself, "I would rather have neck surgery than watch her talk." Until now, the opportunity never presented itself to prove it.
Today at the doc's office, struggling with the thought of two needles and two pairs of scissors plunging into my neck at various times, the nurse handed me the remote to the small TV mounted on high. I turned it on for a pleasant distraction to see Rosie O' Donnell telling everyone how much she hates the president and wants him impeached, and what a thoroughly self-absorbed angry dyke she really is and how it's all her drunken Irish father's fault because he played with his shillelagh on her pillow one evening after a night of pub-going with...CLICK!
Ahhh! Back to the gentle scraping of the scalpel against me throat. Sweeeeet!
On the other side of the coin there's American Idol which has been better than ever. They've certainly upped the damaged frontal lobe factor. They even have a real life crack baby ready to make the final 12.
The NY episode was the best yet with all sorts of queers, Italians, and runaway sluts, just like real NY. For added fun they had cutting edge songwriter Carole (Love Theme from "You've Got Mail") Bayer (Love Theme from "Ice Castles")Sager dressed up as Joan Collins for the young auditioners to meet.
Hi Randy, Hi Paula, Hi Simon...oh hey, you're that lady from Dynasty! Me and my friends watch that all the time.
Ryan Seacrest has even undergone a personality upgrade and appears to be decent in pulling the entertainment out of people in his interviews. He's still gay.
I want you to hear my favorite audition of the week. Even though she needs to be warehoused immediately or put down at the vet, I would like to thank this psychoy! Jewess, Sarah Goldberg, for lighting up the night with her real life adaptation of the classic scene in Albert Brooks' movie, "Lost in America," where he tries to convince the casino manager that re-imbursing all the tens of thousands of dollars Albert's wife lost at the gaming tables would be a great PR move.
"I think you don't have to sing to be an American Idol...Paris Hilton can't sing."
Oh, that is rich!