That was the cheapest ski vacation in American history. I think I spent $200 total. The biggest expense was airfare at $55. That's the charge Delta makes when you access your frequent flier miles. As you know, it costs them at least .00000000001 of a penny in transaction costs when I click the mouse on the website to make the SkyMiles reservation, so they need $55 to cover it. Run it by me again. Why are we still happy to have them around in Atlanta?
Let's see what's been happening in the news now that I'm back at sea level. There is nothing I care about at 11,000 feet except warmth, food, and pills.
In a shocking turn of events, a black athlete said he doesn't enjoy the company of homosexuals. Tim Hardaway, formerly of the Miami Heat (the basketball team, not the male dance troupe) said, in fact, he hates gay people. While you don't have to agree with Mr. Hardaway's position on the topic, you still can thank him for interrupting the constant flow of news emanating from that yawning cavern between Anna Nicole Smith's legs. That woman's hoo-haa still has more life than your wife's or girlfriend's, I'll wager.
Now Hardaway is banned from the NBA, the WNBA, Barry Manilow at the Vegas Hilton, and using Windows Vista. He'll have to go to gayhab until he can act like everyone else and pretend he likes gayness, or actually sit on a rug with Kenny Chesney and a licensed gayhab counselor gently guiding the fellatio. After that is done, perhaps after 15 years he will be allowed to go back to doing what he does best, which is reminisce about basketball games he played in. What a waste. I really expected something more insightful and intelligent from a former member of the Miami Heat. What's next? Allen Iverson admitting he can't read?
Whatever happened to a simple,"Hey, would you shower voluntarily with a 6'10" gay man in Utah? Huh? Would ya?" Or, "John Amaeche wasn't my type, but I'm open to the idea of indulging sometime in the sacred activity of making love to another man." Had he said that, Tim Hardaway would be right now be eating cake off a stripper at an NBA party in Vegas. My advice would be to apologize and claim you thought it was 1907. I do that on my checks, too.
Lesson learned: Don't hate irrationally, you people. Always have a good reason for hating. Remember, nobody really hates hate. People just want it to be cleverly done.
Amaechi eyeballs Hardaway's groin as he drives toward the hole. Did you know he's gay? That's important to this caption.
HARRY POTTER NUDE!!!!! (Kids. Walk away. Stop scrolling. Now. I mean it. Ooo, wait til your au pair gets home.)
Daniel (Harry Potter) Radcliffe, seeking to accelerate his fate as a child actor, appeared nude on the London stage production of "Equus."
I hope he's paying Dumbledore royalties for use of his ass.