Overheard in the Bruster's ice cream line this evening:
Daughter: Daddy, why is that black kid wearing all white?
Daddy: His momma don't know nothin' about Labor Day.
The New John's Creek. A little Atlanta. A little Forsyth County. I was gonna ask what he meant, but I have enough social problems.
The grocery store is only a mile away from my home. Today, it took me 20 minutes to get there.
I get to the light at the subdivision exit and a truck is too big for the left lane, so it's blocking the left and right turn lanes, and nobody can get by. It's no one's fault really. Back in 1987, when the place was built, the thought of trucks making deliveries to homes was inconceivable, so they built turn lanes big enough for only car or two, or maybe a small horse and wagon. Regardless, the line of cars and trucks spills back about 4 houses from the entrance of the neighborhood as if we're at free cone night at the Douglasville McDonald's.
That clears up when the light turns green after I successfully scream at it for 3 minutes. But where's my grocery list? Stupid brain. A car is in back of me so I go forward and drive to the next entrance down the street and circle back to my house. 5 minute mark. Got the list, but here come the school buses! Ready to gently restore the children to their natural habitats after another vigorous day of mind control experiments.
New twist on an old favorite. I'm behind one school bus with it's pussy STOP sign out, and this bus is facing another school bus with his pussy STOP sign out waiting for it's load of brats to disgorge. Not only is this surprisingly inefficient bus routing for a government entity, but the buses seem not to know who goes first. They're gridlocked in an ethical, political, and social quandry for what seems like an eternity. This seems to be unprecedented in modern school bus history. No one else honks at the buses for fear of incurring the wrath of the unimpeachable government bus drivers who will not move until a ruling is sent.
Finally, an ethics negotiator arrives in a Fulton County squad car and the situation is resolved and I reach the store after another 9 minutes, a half mile, and one short Korean woman who is scared to make a left turn until a pulse bomb from Kim Jong-Il stops the oncoming traffic and it is safe to do so. And then the store is out my wife's favorite cheese.
I get home, and go upstairs to unwind and my wife pulls me out of the shower, which she never does, even if it's someone eager to hire me, because she's afraid of catching me in an undignified pose, and she tells me that she got a call from some lunatic.
Last week I found this funny video on LiveLeak.com about this wacky racist woman with missing teeth who was accused of throwing roach powder at her black neighbor. She was even wearing a t-shirt on the news footage that said, "I didn't do it." Check her out. Great performance.
I looked up her number to call her and see if she would agree to be interviewed for the House of Wachs podcast.
No answer and I left no message, so nothing came of the story idea.
"She said you caused her to get a death threat. Then she hung up."
"I didn't even talk to her."
"She didn't say you made a death threat. She says you 'caused' a death threat."
"What does that mean? How do you cause a death threat without making a death threat?"
I immediately block this meth-mouthed nutbag from my phone. Based on her video performance, I surmise that she possibly did get a crank call from someone else and confused that with my name on the caller ID, thinking that I was the reporter from the TV station...I don't know. That's the thing with nuts...ya never know what's really going on up there.
For those of you who, like me, are laying low inside the home for long stretches, may I recommend a DVD you might like? OK, then. Treat yourself one night this week to "Material Girls" starring the Duff sisters, Hilary and Hailey.
Here's a rough outline of what it's about:
The Duff Sisters play Hilton-Lite cosmetics heiresses whose dad has died and left them his multi-billion dollar company. And to show that we all, even rich cosmetics heiresses, are just a mishap or two away from becoming homeless, the Duff Sisters lose it all in one day due to a series of disasters in the free market. Everything. Gone. Even security for Haley's marriage engagement press conference announcement won't let them in the door, because they are no longer on the list.
The movie was actually brilliant if you consider that the producers may have been trying to show us a post-Clintonian world where Congress has abolished the SEC, FDA, FTC and the rule of law.
If that alone isn't worth taking the risk that people will forever find you creepy and unemployable for renting the movie, then consider this. The most interesting thing in the film was the way Hilary Duff's weight fluctuates wildly from scene to scene. In one scene, she's breaking into a building to find out why she is homeless and broke 24 hours after owning the world's largest cosmetics company, and she's 15 pounds lighter than when she planned the break-in on her T-Mobile Sidekick in the scene before. I guess it's stressful for such a young person to attempt to re-establish contract law through thumb-typing. Probably would cost me a few pounds, too. OMG! Ths sux! L8 4 Van Mises mtg. PWNED! TTYL!
Through it all, I have some excellent news to end this blurb on a high note, in case you thought your hero's life was turning more sour than Hilary Duff's breath during severe ketosis. Just yesterday I closed a deal to play a small role in a major motion picture that is filming soon. I can't say any more than that right now, but I am very excited to have landed this. I'll try to give more details within 48 hours so keep loggin' in.