Another Secretary's Day has passed, and not only did I miss the occasion because I don't have one, but I didn't know it's now called Administrative Assistant's Day. I take this to mean that the word "secretary" is somehow demeaning to people who are secretaries. What exactly is wrong with calling someone a secretary? Is it the new "ho?" Just because a lot of people associate the word with females making interoffice coffee and desktop Russian mixed with light typing and message taking, doesn't mean it's true or wrong. To each his own assistance. Quite frankly, when I hear "administrative assistant" it conjures up images of people like Smithers on the Simpsons, or Lloyd on Entourage, or fussy little people who own cats and live alone. I'd rather be called a male nurse.
What do they call the gal who keeps the schedule for the CEO of a porn store chain? I hope she's still called a secretary. That would be a sad thing if the CEO of a porn store chain had an "administrative assistant." It's so unsexy. It would be like rebranding their dildos as dog chew toys. Dildos would lose all their integrity.
US government has a Secretary of State, Secretary of the Interior. Not Administrative Assistant of State or Administrative Assistant of the Interior. They don't blow the president just because they are called secretary. That's what interns are for, and there's no changing that one because it's already a euphemism for "unpaid exploited laborer" (see bikini picture, top right).
We already watered down the birthdays of two of the all-time great Americans, Lincoln and Washington, by lumping them in with embarrassments such as Carter and Nixon in the catch-all "President's Day." The government had to turn that into a long weekend so people would observe it even for a half second while making their plans to get drunk on a Baja California beach
Here's a fact. Some jobs are suited to women and the other 90% are suited to men. How about a compromise? We don't have "Parent's Day." We don't have "Caregiver's Day." No. We have "Mother's Day" and "Father's Day," as it should be for these vital institutions that keep America uniquely strong. So bring back Secretary's Day for women only, and the next day have "Administrative Assistant's Day" for males. Then, roll them into one happy week called "Subordinates Week" so that all the helpers out there can forget for just a little while that they are largely replaceable.