How do you make America fall in love with lesbian prison rape? Sentence Paris Hilton to 45 days in county detention.
Here are some sample comments from a plurality of opinionated web commenters:
Paris is going to be staring in the remake of that old Linda Blair Movie, "Born Innocent" especially the scene where she goes to jail and is raped by a bunch of women with a broom handle.
Best news I've had all fucking year ! I hope they butt fuck her until she... Wait, that won't bother her nasty ass. Maybe they can make that bitch mop a floor !, then shove the handle up her worthless snatch !
(Some year this person is having, huh?)
The best part will be when paris is bent over with the broomhandle waiting to pierce her rectum and she will look over her shoulder and say the 6 words every celebrity says at one time in their life, "Don't you know who I am???"
I feel hypocritical and that's almost a felony in some states.
On one hand, I hate Paris Hilton and look forward to her spending time with 45 days of low thread counts and infrequent bathing. Yet, I also feel that non-violent prisoners serving a sentence of less than two months should not have the extra burden of being physically victimized tacked on to their confinement. That's like allowing motorists to throw trash at correctional inmates while they are by the side of the road picking up trash, which I do from time to time, but I realize it's wrong for some unknown reason, and I'm going to look into stopping it.
Hmmmm....HMMMMMMM!!! I am very troubled and annoyed at myself for not being able to come up with any moral certitude or self-congratulating stance on this important issue. I must be slipping in my chosen craft.
In times like these I like to give myself the Magic Mind Quiz to reveal my real feelings. The Magic Mind Quiz is a series of discrete yes or no questions that never fail to reveal the quiztaker's true feelings on any subject. You can play, too. OK, clear your mind and hold your calls. Here we go.
Question 1: Do you hate Paris Hilton?
Question 2: Did Paris Hilton deserve jail time?
Question 3: Do you think prison rape as a de facto extra sentence for non-violent offenders is fair punishment?
Question 4: Would it be fair if Paris Hilton were attacked by lesbians in prison?
Question 5: Would it be bad if Paris Hilton were attacked by lesbians in prison?
Hmmmm...HMMMM! Interesting. According to the MMQ lab results, what my mind is saying is that Paris Hilton has been the beneficiary of unfair treatment for so long, that perhaps now it's time for her to "give back to the community" a little.
Slumber, I ride your sleek, winged unicorn at last.