A big holiday just passed and most Americans missed it, me included. No, not Shavuos. I'm on top of that one. Got me some cool cargo shorts with a picture of Moses receiving the tablets on the ass. Old Navy had a sale.
I'm referring to National Seat Belt Day, the only holiday in America where people are punished for not celebrating. Woe to those who disobey the Cones of Patriotism.
Let me stipulate for people with sensitive sensibilities who worry that other points of view and insights might cause others to do something foolish such as decide for themselves what's best, that I do think seat belts are a valuable weapon in the fight against going through a windshield. But there are some valid reasons why NOT to wear seatbelts that every individual should consider. These don't get the press or airtime that they should.
-Seat belts DO crumple clothing. You should ask yourself before buckling, "Is it worth covering the <1% risk that you'll die in a car wreck on that trip, and exposing myself to a scuttled business deal or a soured engagement to a wealthy divorcee, because I show up looking like a used towel?" People who wear nice clothes rarely flip cars and drive recklessly. That's what people in T-shirts with crazy sayings do.
-Seat belts keep the black man down. Literally. Not in my America, I say.
-I don't feel like it. Probably the best reason of all, because it thoroughly rejects the notion that one has to have an excuse to exercise personal choice.
Maybe next year festive-minded safety authorities will see reason to make May 5th National Border Control Day, checking all the vans and helping those who have become untethered from from their native land to buckle up and avoid going headlong into our treasury.