Once again screenwriters and reality show producers, you are missing out by ignoring the Wachs saga. Just 7 months ago, I was up to my ears in legal fees, weighing the pros and cons of chapter 7, and visiting jail for the perfectly legal act of recording two men saying sweet nothings to one another in a public bathroom.
Today, the guys I'm filling in for here in NY, were just dropped altogether by CBS for the crime of pranking a Chinese restaurant to make a point about...uh...dunno, but the first amendment angle doesn't have the power it once did.
Suddenly, I'm number 1 on the depth chart for a high-profile job in NY radio. I've put the UP back into screw-up. Lesson learned: If you are going to be a screw-up, make sure it's up.
Predictably, the loyal 17-year olds and adults of arrested development who adore the previous show, all 1.1 percent of the available audience, are in high dudgeon. I understand your boys got screwed, and have empathy, but my point is this. When you start having an income and an interest in something other than the adventures of your cock, and what mom is making for dinner upstairs, perhaps your voices will be taken seriously.
Until, then, I can only offer you this killer burger recipe to give to your mommy upstairs to make for you on this Mother's Day. Let me warn you though. If mommy changes one thing in this recipe because that meeskite shrew thinks it's OK to switch to lean beef due to obesity fears, then she deserves the son she has. Warning given, now let's get underway.
You or mommy should purchase the following:
1lb. ground chuck (aka 80/20, 80% lean)
ground black pepper
A-1 Thick and Hearty
1. Shape beef into patties slightly bigger in diameter than the muffins, and about a 1/2 inch thick. Just eyeball it. Don't put the raw meat on the muffin. I know you were thinking that.
2. Sprinkle generously with garlic salt and the pepper and stop before you've put on too much.
3. Slice and toast english muffin so the nook and cranny side is brown and crispy. Brown is a couple/three shades before black. Here's what it looks like.
4. Grill burgers at at least 400 degrees. Use a wood, gas, or charcoal grill. Grilling on Foreman or a pan is not grilling. It's frying. It doesn't cut it. Get rid of it. Grill 4.5 minutes per side. And keep the damn grill closed while cooking.
5. One minute before taking them off the grill, add the swiss to the charring flesh.
6. Spread a layer of A-1 on bottom muffin. Add burger. Add muffin top.
7. Eat already.
That's it. If you think for one second that lettuce or mustard or tomato or a different bun will make this hamburger better, then you are an idiot and an infidel.