The Atlanta City Council is considering a ban on the wearing of baggy pants, an activity popular with dangerous and stupid people.
Atlanta Councilman C.T. Martin, says saggy pants are an "epidemic" that are becoming a "major concern."
I've received a huge volume of emails here at the House of Wachs on this hot button issue. Here's a sample from a HOW reader in the Atlanta suburban area:
"Larry, what kind of world is this that allows ghetto youth to parade around town half nude, but I can't wear my white hood to a barbecue with friends?"
Excellent question, and although I understand your outrage at this travesty and your strong desire to see people of rhythm dressed in slacks and white alligator belts, please CONSIDER:
We've been down this road before, in the 80s when we banned the wearing of Viking helmets and large clocks around one's neck.
Remember how many children lost track of time and plunged into drugs and promiscuity?
If you ban baggy pants, how will people be able to tell us that they are dangerous and stupid? Many of them cannot speak or, at best, grunt like animals in order to satisfy their base urges for food, water, and poppin' pussy. This may be our only protection from such desperadoes.
What will Britney Spears' children wear? They didn't choose their womb. We've certainly had enough unwelcome nudity from that family.
Banning baggy pants may stop one slippery slope, but it will certainly start a new one when power mad government officials start banning other things that they don't like. One day we'll all wake up in regret when we realize that they've banned traditions that you or I cherish such as sideways baseball caps, hand jobs on a park bench, and public displays of menorahs.
I propose a solution that is free of government, which then can spend time on the things it does best such as helping single women raise more children.
Why not recruit and pay some of the world's top homosexuals to be seen in public wearing baggy pants and Timberlands? I think you'd see a welcome change of clothing. And think how pleasant it would be to buy some chronic from a lad dressed like Robert Goulet.