What is wrong with people?
Cell phones. So many are still unsure of their proper role in society.
From the confusion about how loud to speak into them, to the appropriate setting for their usage, so many still confuse the possible with the compulsory. I'm sure that when indoor plumbing became the norm, people didn't take that as license to pee anywhere in any building. So what gives?
This morning I was awakened by a confusion of the opposite sort. A reverse rudeness, if you will. My landline phone rang at 8am while I was sleeping off last night's narcotics. Pill Night at the home has been moved to Thursday due to ongoing dental construction projects.
The woman was seeking my wife.
"She's not here. Let me give you her cell #." says I.
"Oh, no. I have it."
Well, then...wh...ah.....I'm speechless.
The point of my wife having a cell phone is so people who want to reach her can bypass me. No one likes the obligatory small-talk with the gatekeeper spouse. That's why anyone has a cell phone. Personal, efficient communication.
"Well, give her a ring on that then. K?"
"That's OK. Can you take a message?
Are you kidding, lady? I'm tired and lying in my own vomit. I haven't written a message for my wife in 15 years.
"Really, you should call her cell phone."
"Is it a good time?"
Oh my fucking god, woman. Again...file this under REASONS WHY THE CELL PHONE WAS INVENTED! There is never a bad time to call a cell phone. There are only bad times to answer it.
"It's a great time. Never better. Goodbye, now."
The day never recovered after that dip.
Later on, I got busted for buying a child's ticket to "Ratatouille." The kid with scoliosis working the ticket counter would not listen to my attempts at reasoning.
"Come on! It's a kid's movie for christ sake. I'm gonna buy popcorn." I know the movie business and used that savvy to indicate that we both knew where the real profits were.
He would have none of it and remained as steady as his back brace. So I was forced to exchange the ticket for an adult one and wound up with a thick sheaf of paperwork in my back pocket from the multiple transactions that I had to sit on during the whole movie making my back feel like his. How will I explain this to the board?
Hey, knock it off with the "jew" comments under your breath, OK? I don't understand why movie theaters insist on higher prices for adults. It doesn't cost them any more money to show an adult a film than it does a child. I would contend that showing a film to an adult has less cost, because kids are more likely to put their feet, food, and excrements onto the seating, and then the theater has to bring in a crew to clean it.
Not that this matters at the Regal Cinema on Medlock Bridge Road, because lately, every theater smells like the nursing home my grandfather was in before he died. The higher up you go in the stadium seating, the funkier it gets. The Buford Twin is probably better smelling. What are people doing in those back rows, and just what are they making shadow puppets with over the end credits?
They need to clean up their act, because they've lost my "Superbad" business. I'll be waiting for that film by my sweet smelling mailbox when Blockbuster dot com delivers it in about 5 months. Then I will take it into my den where the only human odor is mine, the way I like it.
Now if I could only get others to show courtesy and not call my home phone while I'm watching.