What's gone ooooon?!
I received a Bar Mitzvah photo from close friends where one of their sons was wearing dreadlocks. Way to put your best foot forward. How do parents have such little guidance over their kids? Is it too scary to say, "You look filthy and you'll never get a job that way.?" What are they going to do? Kill themselves? Good. Then we can all get some sleep. Dreadlocks are for filthy people with no self-respect. There's a reason they call them dreadlocks. It's because they are dreadful.
What if I sent out Hanumas cards and, in the family photo, my daughter has not shaved her pits or legs for a year and is wearing a New England Patriots bikini? How soon would I be the first person to ever get death threats due to his family holiday card? Very.
We've got a tie game, sport fan! OJ 1-The Man 1.
By the time OJ gets the verdict in his upcoming armed robbery trial, it will be my birthday. So, if you wind up becoming an OJ juror, I would love to have a guilty verdict for my big day. Thanks. If Fred Goldman did his job a long time ago, we wouldn't have to depend on another jury to use some common sense and decency. Thank Hashem Vegas is teeming with retired white people.
What did OJ do this time? He's accused of taking memorabilia that he claims belongs to him. He was in Vegas looking for the real pilferers. Is he guilty? It's not important, my pet. OJ's in jail, he got no bail, and that's the way it goes. Raaawhk!
Here's an excerpt from OJ's new book, "If I Didn't Commit Robbery, Here's What I Would Be Doing."
Looking for killers.
Having sex with white women.
Having sex with white woman while the kids are home.
Anonymously taunting the Goldmans on Chowhound.com message boards (...hey, anybody know whatever happened to Mezzaluna in LA? it was my fave.).
Cashing my NFL pension check and waving the cash at police.
Convincing Sydney that it was Mark Fuhrman who smacked her in the teeth during dinner last night.
I am looking forward.
Let's take a quick glance at Week 2 of the new millenium's greatest NFL trade:
Schaub 36-50, 452yards, 3 TDs. Houston 2-0.
Harrington 33-52, 399 yards, 0 TDs. Falcons 0-2.
Vick--going to jail.
Welp, see ya next owner!
OK, I'm tired. There's been a lot of golf going on and one of the guys wished me a Happy Hannukah and another wished me Happy Rashashasha, and I've got some sunburn and then the medications to quell the sting have made my mind all hairy. I have a lot more to say about things, but it'll have to wait until after I plug into bed and recharge.