House of Wachs

WACHS' MEDIA MEDITATIONS

Channel 46 here in the ATL is really dumb. How hard is it to get ratings when they have this magnificent creature of gOD on their staff? I'm referring to Dagmar Midcap, pictured above, with the glorious cans made of soft she-leather. She's clearly Canadian or Australian.

You wanna know why it's hard to get ratings with her, and why they are always last in the news race, sometimes behind syndicated reruns of Archie Bunker's Place? She's currently utilized as the EARLY MORNING weather gal. A time of day when few can really study her. Shame.

The caption on this said that she MAY be moving to evening news weather. Hell, she should be doing the whole newscast by herself. Sports, weather, traffic, murders...the whole she-bang. Katie Couric does it, and she doesn't even have the looks to distract viewers from her many inaccuracies and gaping gaps of actual news knowledge. She's a downright toothy moron!

I want to be assassinated by those cans.

Herschel Walker reveals in new book he has multiple personalities

"That's all news to me," former Georgia coach Vince Dooley said in Friday editions of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "All I know is whatever personality he had when he had the football was the one I liked."

"I'm probably one of his closest friends and that's news to me," said Frank Ros, who was captain of Georgia's 1980 national championship team. "I knew he was working on a book but I just thought it was about football. He does 100 things at once and always has projects going on, but that blows me away."

The reason for the confusion is that Tony Dorsett, who thinks he's Herschel, wrote the book.

I know everyone in Atlanta is staking out this blog and checking it every few minutes for some confirmation about rumors they've heard about me and my career in show business. Well, your patience has paid off!

I just received a letter from my masters at SuperDeluxe.com and Turner Entertainment Group informing me that What's Your Story, America's #1 satirical sub 3-minute news show on broadband video sites in America, is renewed for another 10 big episodes due to my kick-ass attitude!!!

After a couple of week break, the next show will be Friday, the 8th day of February. YEAH!!!!!

CARRIE'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOING ON

Standing before an array of grumpy liberals from the media, stands Laura Mallory of Loganville, who wants to ban Harry Potter books in schools and steal votes from Fred Phelps as Strawman Christian of the Year. 

As Ms. Mallory explains how she will drown her kids in the bathtub soon, behind her stands our own Captain Ponytail, looking for batteries as depicted in today's AJC Metro section.

See those buff arms? Steve says it's from eating plenty of low-fat bologna.

Listen to the revealing and shocking segment....uhhhh....thought it was on the Daily Download...we'll get that up. Watch this space. Here it is.

A caller also mentioned that Steve was on TV at the BOE hearing and was shown nodding off. If anyone has that video, please forward that to the email bucket. Thanks.

Tomorrow:

Why I feel responsible for the Amish shootings.