Let's look back on the week, because I'm too damn tired to think up new stuff. I haven't made a fresh observation in 36 hours. I'm saving it all up for another week on Free-FM in NY, where I've been held over by popular demand. They seem to like the House of Wachs experience here at CBS. Creditors: I'll be home to pay my bills soon. Busy making the $. Sorry. XOXO.
During the week's continuing assault on talk radio, this one went under the radar. Probably because the perp was black. From the (NY) Daily News:
And comedian Donnell Rawlings also lost his job on New York's Power 105.1 FM station last week after he was suspended for making an anti-Semitic remark - reportedly saying "a cheap black guy" should be better known as "a Jewish black guy."
He reportedly said it. Well, did he? If not, then why was he fired? Did Imus "reportedly" say NHH? Did JV&E "reportedly" call a Chinese restaurant and slur them? No, because they are white, and everybody knows whites are mean.
To Donnell Rawlings, I'm inclined to say you are correct, but, too bad. You are also black. This double standard does not accrue to you. Out of a job? Tough darts. I like all these openings. I'm going to start taking the places of all you cheap, lazy, Lenny Bruces making too much money for your skill grade.
I'm not that offended because I know Donnell speaks from jealousy because Jews have a culture that acheives rings around his. You won't see us throwing our money away on street dice. We don't shoot guns in the air to celebrate the new year. We don't pay MSRP. Jews are magic. Aw-main.
I saw Tony Bennett on the way to work Thursday morning. He looked healthy and hearty fpr a man his age and looked striking in his birght blue and red tracksuit. That must be his youth secret. Walk every day in a cheery tracksuit.
I said hello and he immediately looked scared. He quickened his pace and gave a sideways, "Hello," back at thee. John Hogan looked similar when I gave him a friendly hello and short chat up on 6th Avenue later that day. I can understand that since I was dumped from his company, and what are the odds he'd see me in NY unless I was stalking him? But, I assured him I was not and merely taking a lunchtime stroll after another day on the air.
I took a good hard look in the mirror, nude, to figure out why I creep people out so often. You know what it is? I look like my shit DOES stink. Some people can pull off the non-stinky shit look, but I can't. No matter how I groom, no matter how I dress, these beady eyes make even family uneasy.
So I didn't bother to say hello to Martha Stewart at the Long Island Bat Mitzvah I was invited to. How could that have possibly turned out well? I just wanted to be a good guest. After all, the Long Island Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a venerable institution. To be invited to one is equal to being invited to play a round at Pebble Beach or Augusta. Great books have been written about them.
My favorite American Idol was last week. It's the one where the final 3 go back to their hometowns so the cameras can capture their reconnection with reality. I like it when a kid is being honored at his hometown shopping mall where only months before, he was being chased for loitering and smoking. Then they go to their high school, and the local Fox affilliate, and the governor's mansion, and the local Star DJ ("Hey, how crazy is this for you? What's it like?") The whole time, it's slowly dawning on the contestant that they have forfeited most of their privacy for several decades, if they are any good.
Melinda got beat by a better set of teeth. Her singing is more polished, adult, and heavy than the other two. I don't think she's gonna starve though, and should invest in a new set of choppers with her recording money. Jordin is a fair singer. Nothing that some digital manipulation can't prop up. Her teeth are world class. I'd like to date them. Just her teeth. When she's of age, maybe the rest. If her mouth is that spot on, you know she cares for her vagina just as well. I'd also like to make love to her orthodontist.
Simply based on how every story in the liberal media is about how Giuliani is a liar, hypocrite, or general fuck-up, I'd say he's going to be our next president. I started to watch the Republican debate, but then I realized it's not even the summer of 2007, and the whole event is a stellar waste of time, not even of interest to people in New Hampshire or Iowa. I've decided to vote for Hillary anyway so the steady drip of socialism will finally reach a climax and we can get about finding new homes and jobs in New Zealand. Why drag things out for 8, 12, 25 more years?
Jerry Falwell is dead and gays miss their punching bag terribly already.
Matt Foreman, executive directorof National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, extended condolences to those close to Falwell, but added: "Unfortunately, we will always remember him as a founder and leader of America's anti-gay industry, someone who exacerbated the nation's appalling response to the onslaught of the AIDS epidemic, someone who demonized and vilified us for political gain and someone who used religion to divide rather than unite our nation."
OK, welllll, he's dead. You're still alive and so is the gay.industry. You won, Gay Matt. So why do you still have to make hostile remarks? That guy showed tremendous courage in never caving into the thought police. So stop whining about how he wouldn't let you be gay, because you are and he's dead. Move on, sassypants.
For balance, let's take a look at nutty heterosexuals. The news from Pittsburgh is that an 84-year old billionaire is marrying a 22-year old woman...or is it the other way around? Who's zooming who? I think they both know what they're getting into, but Pops may have one last trick up his sleeve and plans on living until age 120. I sure would love to see the look on Miss Gravy Train's face when he turns 100.
That is one of the badly kept secrets of male physical fitness. They want to be able to do this. Eat more fish to eat more tacos, amigo. That's what I always say. I always get a chuckle when I see men running in a row of treadmills. It's like they're racing to a future 25 year old.
The Fisher/Buttafuoco romance rekindled here in NY for the benefit of TV cameras, when Amy and Joey went out on a date this past week. Who knew having sex with a minor could be so lucrative? If this works out, maybe we can look forward to seeing Michael Jackson paint the town red with some of his molestation victims when they turn 21. Break out the Jesus Juice, America. Could OJ's confession be far behind...Oh, wait.
