I'm not a people person. I'm a person who is interested in people. There's a difference. The former is immersive, the latter is coldly observant.
That's why I read..."PEOPLE!"
A whole magazine filled with...PEOPLE! Pages and pages of....PEOPLE! doing stupid things.
Carrie Underwood has bad luck with guys? No, the problem is that guys have no luck with her. Put out, sweetie. In Oklahoma, serial dating will drop you on the social ladder. I get that. But not where you are, now. Just do it.
Jeeeesusssss, take my leeeeeegs!
Spread them wiiiide a paaaaart.
Kanye's mom makes me weep. She just wanted to look nice without having to exercise and diet and all that bother, and she chose a quack based on the recommendation of Queen Oprah of Tennessee. Now she's dead. I don't think she chose wisely, but I don't think her choices demand a death sentence.
Even in the hands of a skilled practitioner, lipo is barbaric. All this medical technology at our disposal and we're still shoving vacuum sticks in people to thin 'em out like cavemen poking an ant hill. Lipo has encouraged the consumption of more calories, not less.
Celine Dion thinks that's her son? That's because she's a robot built in the 90s on an old operating system which had issues with gender recognition. She was about to be recalled and rebuilt when Titanic hit it big, and they let the recall slide because she was needed in Vegas by her anxious financial backers.
That is actually the world's first asexual childbot built by Texas Instruments. Excuse me. My fail. It is the first asexual childbot built on a LINUX platform, and it shares a plug with their golf cart at night in the garage.
I did a double take on this one. First, LACI Peterson was missing, and her husband was the suspect. Now we have STACY Peterson missing and her husband is the suspect.
I'd hate to be Kacey Peterson right now.
If that's your name, RUN, HONEY! Drive to Cincinnati on a snow white Christmas Eve and stay there.