A colleague emailed me these propheticesque words yesterday:
McCain beats Hillary 53% to 47% in the general election. His victory will come down to Independents who perceive him as a truth-teller compared to the legacy of the Clintons.
I like Romney but the Repubs, when given a choice, will always give it to the next guy in line- and it doesn't hurt that the next guy in line ain't a Mormon.
I fear two things this year. McCain getting the GOP nomination. This will lead to a Hillary Clinton victory in my view.
So actually, I'm only afraid of one thing. A Clinton victory. At least I've cut my worries by 50%, and it's not even February.
I've already taken some steps to protect myself in case of such a dire occurence that a known rapist uses his straw wife to get a 3rd term, and none of them include moving to Europe as those cowardly weasels on the left promised back in 2000 and still haven't done, much to virtually everyone's annoyance in America.
I'm going to blackmail my brother, a top surgeon, who has stated to me that he intends to vote this mess into office and even campaign for her/him. I believe his group is Surgeons Against Salaries.
I know a lot about my brother. I have a lot of dirt on him going back to the time when we were 8 and 7, and he came up with the plan to poison the neighborhood retard, a 10 year old who told us he was friends with Hitler. The tard/bully promised that one call would have us both dead by morning.
The point is, I've got a lot of dirt on my brother and I may have to use it to secure free, off-the-grid healthcare for me and my family in perpetuity. I suggest you start keeping tabs on your favorite physician immediately. Hire a PI now, or wait in a year-long line for your prostate bleeding problems later. It's up to you. Economics don't bend to politics.
I'm also looking into being a pot dealer to secure some cash to send off shore. I wouldn't want be a cocaine dealer because they are more violent and ruthless given the nature of the commodity they are peddling. Pot dealers are probably a more friendly bunch given the tranquilizing properties of their product. Still, I'm only in the listening tour stages of my research into this venture.
Then again, I just may rob drug dealers like Omar on The Wire. He makes a pretty good living and can afford to go to the Carribean for vacations, although I would go with a woman.
Now would be a great time to head over to Buford Highway to establish an alternative identity from the many ID providers that have been helping the American-Mexican community for so many years. It comes in handy when you need to drive to work everyday instead of the alternate days that come with an environmentally safe administration.
Another thing that puzzles me is what is it about Mormonism that makes people think America won't vote for one for president. I don't see anything controversial about them.
A Mormon president wouldn't be all hopped up on caffeine like all the others. What's wrong with that? Maybe he'll get more rest and have time to relax and think about the issues more clearly instead of being twitchy from colas and coffee.
I'm voting for Romney in the primary because he's white. Why not? I think America is ready for a really white president, and Mormons are the whitest of white people.
Romney. He's my wigger!*
*Until a Jewish candidate comes along.






