Drought, my eye! Yer all wet!
Let's get one thing straight. There is no shortage of water. It's everywhere. I took pictures.
There's some:
And here:
And right behind Frankenstein and his underage girlfriend:
Like oil, this is a politically arranged drought we're having in these parts, and the solution is a drought of government intervention or a wave of military force...in case it doesn't do something crazy like rain.
First off, with regards to the current watering bans: I have found both legal and sordid ways around them and continue to water my law freely. If you get a waiver from your lawn guy that says you've just put down new sod or such, they let you water it. One Jackson later, you've got your letter of waiver and let the wetlands resume. I've also rescued one of Vick's dogs and trained it to eat Fulton County Water officials on sight, so something good came out of that other Fulton County debacle.
Where you see a brown lawn, I see a white flag. It's the sign of capitulation, not of good citizenship, as has been characterized by numerous articles and letters to the editor from the "common gooders" chorus. And short of a hard shut-off from the water company, my showers will end when I have finished examining myself for cancers of the intimate places. Hell, it takes probably 4 gallons alone just to get the hot water and soap going. And just see what happens to your facilities, water czars, when you shut off thousands of angry people by government edict. I have been known to hurt people if I don't get my coffee and a shower.
A brown lawn is the sign of failure. You've paid hundreds of thousands for a home and a small patch of land so you can grow a few tomatoes, your dog can take a shit, and your kids can throw up when they come home from the prom. The American Dream. And after all that work and investment into the biggest asset most of you will ever own, you can't sprinkle a few gallons of water on it everyday? Why? So a mollusk in Florida can stay alive? Is this mollusk delicious in garlic and butter? Then either build a theme park around it and charge admission, or get rid of 'em!
Now Governor, and Top Aquatic Supervisor for the State of GA, Sonny, warns that we will run out of water in January. I doubt that highly. It's going to rain eventually. We don't live in a desert. Last I checked, a case of bottled water cost a third less per gallon than it's gasoline equivalent. The tap water you get is priced at a few pennies a gallon. There is no shortage of water. The shortage is in the bottlenecked delivery system monopolized by the state. Can someone at least entertain me with a stab at a practical reason why we can choose our gas, cell phone, TV, food, and internet providers now, but not our water or electricity providers?
Gee, which of the above staples of everyday life has routine outages and shortages? Food? Not even in a snow storm. TV? Have you seen your waistline lately?
Logically, the shortage is man-made, and voila! It is. The federal government mandates that we share the Chattahoochee and other resources in Georgia with Alabama and Florida, and they're just hooting and hollering down there, watering whenever they please, while we sit indoors watching expensive lawn care go up in smoke, so gullible in our belief that these are such unique and tough meteorological times that we must...(bite my lip and sniffle)....sacrifice for the greater good (i.e. Florida and their rare mollusk collection).
Well, to put it politely, FUCK THAT. Now this is a civil war I can get behind.
We have it. If they don't, they should find their own damn rivers and lakes. I know they have them because I've been to them. It rains there, too. And they've got way more ocean access than we do, so start de-salinating, Sal. What's the problem?
I'll tell you confederates what. If you really want to have a genuine Georgia vs. Florida fight where you can beat the hell out of one another, put down that pussy college football, and I'll join you. And so you won't miss a minute of the fun and excitement of a real Georgia-Florida tiff, I'll supply the cocktails during the war. The NWC, the New Water Confederacy, will make military history by being the first warring unit ever to have a full bar.
You gotta fight for your right to DRINK!!!







